A Diary of Foolishness

Meet the President, Get Robbed: Just Another Day in Honduras | FanNation

2009-10-12T07:31:00.001-07:00

Meet the President, Get Robbed: Just Another Day in Honduras | FanNation

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Teaching has been Fun

2009-09-29T13:32:00.000-07:00

I have never taught in a formal setting before. This year I have been the PE, Art (yeah I was shocked too), English, Physics, and Literature teacher. I wanted to continue to build my relationship with the children from the garbage dump and teaching seemed like the best way. I have been working with 7th, 8th, and 9th grade and I love it.

As a youth pastor, on the best days I could spend a few hours with students trying to communicate God’s intent for their lives. Now, I get all day and the opportunity to share God’s message in so many different ways. I am so glad I have been able to teach.

Everyone knows how I love to read and now as the literature teacher I get to infect my students with a love of books. I am reading Around the World in 80 days, Call of the Wild, and many other books in Spanish with my kids. The best is that I have also started a Harry Potter Club in my community. Three times a week about 5 kids come by and I read them (translating as I go) book 7 since they have never read it before. I love. And so does Elijah.

All I need now is a Gator Club and all will be well.

Central American Football Tournament

2009-09-14T19:41:00.001-07:00

I was selected to play on the Honduran National Football Team in a Central American Tournament in Managua, Nicaragua. We played in a four team tournament finishing in second place. We played in full length games on back to back days. But it was a once in a life time experience when you represent a country. Here are some pictures.

More pics at http://picasaweb.google.com/reyangeldiaz/CentralAmericanFootballTournament#

Day I met the President of Honduras

2009-09-10T12:15:00.000-07:00

Yesterday, I met the President of Honduras and the First Lady.

It was an incredible experience.

Community

2009-09-10T11:58:00.000-07:00

I thought I knew what a community was before I moved to Villa Linda Miller in Honduras. I was wrong.

This is a true community. Here are pictures from the entire church coming to surprise Elise, Elijah, and I for our birthday.

God is so Funny

2009-08-31T16:44:00.000-07:00

I think God is the funniest guy. He has a sense of humor when it comes to me. I have not sacrificed much in coming to Honduras. I am not being modest, just sincere. If anything, I feel I have been so blessed in coming here. In fact the only thing that was hard to leave behind was sports. Just kidding, family too. But seriously sports are something I have been involved in my whole life and genuinely enjoy. I ran the athletic ministry at Washington Cathedral which means my job was to play in as many teams as I could possibly be in. I loved it. I was always playing football or basket or even dodgeball.

I am by no means a world class athlete, more of just a weekend warrior. I can hold my own in almost any sport except for soccer. And of course it is a sin to not play soccer in Honduras. I have learned to love the game but it is too late in my development to be any good at it. I can keep the game competitive against elementary students, but that is about it.

Well what do you know; I met a friend who was going to have me try to play on a basketball team. And even before that, one of the translator I hired for AFE, told me about an American Football league here in Tegus. I told him I was in… whatever I had to do. I showed up not realizing it was full-contact football with helmets and pads. I have not played this was since High School. Well I tried out and made the team and played my first game the next day as QB on LOS CUERVOS (The Crows). I loved it. We won and I will play until my body gives out. That is what is so funny. I gave up flag-football for God, and he blesses me with full-contact which is so much better. But I am getting old and could barely get out of bed the next day.

As another blessing, I started a Harry Potter reading club at Villa Linda Miller. About five teenagers come over every evening and I read them (translating) the seventh Harry Potter book. Yep I am so blessed.

Elijah's Second Birthday

2009-08-26T17:25:00.000-07:00

This is why we moved to Villa Linda Miller.

Diaz Family Update August 09

2009-08-04T22:47:00.000-07:00

Hello Family and Friends,

For those who do not know, we have been in limbo in Washington for a month, while the political situation calmed down in Honduras. We have spoken with many of our friends and partners in Honduras, who have kept us up to date. The state department has withdrawn their restrictions for travel into Honduras, so we have decided to return. We are flying back August 6.
We would love your prayers and support as we return to Honduras. We are a month late but have been able to prayfully consider the next step for transformation of the garbage dump. We are returning rested and full of faith for the next chapter of our lives.

Videos of Elijah –
Soccer - http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=t3hEnn6ctAE
Multifaceted - http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1HgXP8CfvUg
First Birthday - http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ht2o9LLDp0Y

Pictures of Our family –
July 09 - http://picasaweb.google.com/reyangeldiaz/July09#

As always, you can follow us on this journey through our blogs and now twitter.
http://project-transformation.blogspot.com/
http://project-transformation.blogspot.com/

Thanks for your prayer and support,

The Diaz Family

I am getting old

2009-05-23T10:54:00.000-07:00

I remember watching MJ stick a dagger in Cleveland. I remember watching as a little kid.

Now many years later, I saw this with my little kid. ELijah and I both saw this happen. He doesn't understand what happened and watched as I ran around like a crazy person.

Thanks Tim, Sarai, and Alex

2009-03-07T16:54:00.000-08:00

Like I always say, “Once a jit, always a jit.”

Well, my family recently moved into a house in the Linda Miller Community. Thanks to Michael Miller, we were able to renovate the first home that was ever built for the community. When we arrived it was in messed up shape. I mean really bad. The old tenants took everything out. I didn’t realize the cost of renovating even a small home like this would be so high. I didn’t mind using our credit card because I could use the monthly rent I used to pay to pay it off the bill in a few months. The only problem is that most of Honduras is cash only including labor. So we needed a lot of upfront cash to fix up the place. We did all the really necessary stuff right away – toilet, stove, running water, electricity, etc. Other things Elise wanted we would have to wait on like kitchen cabinets, xbox video games, grass for the yard, and decorative items. Well somehow my jit of the game sister, and Brother in law Tim found out and gave us a gift for the kitchen. We were able to buy the kitchen cabinets after all.

Seriously, we are so thankful. Thank you so much Jacobsen family. Just Kidding. Thanks so much Tim, Sarai , and Alex Jacobs. It is by far the prettiest thing we own and it is so helpful. Plus you blessed a family from the Linda Miller with work for a week.

Thanks thank thanks.

Ungrateful

2009-03-01T07:57:00.001-08:00

We have moved into a really small house in the Villa Linda Miller community that is close to the garbage dump and where our local church is located. The house was in the worse conditions imaginable when we first arrived. It is only 500 sqft. It had no running water, no windows or screens, no toilet, sink, or electricity. It has taken a lot of work to get it so that we can move. We finally moved in on Wednesday. It was a couple of stressful days as we adjusted to all the visitors along with the different living conditions. Our water pump was mal functioning the first couple days so had to shower, do dishes, and flush the toilet else out of a bucket. Even for me, it has been a difficult transition but one we feel the LORD’s guidance in.

I have been in relatively good mood about the whole move. That was until yesterday, the first hot day we spent in the house. We have a metal roof which microwaves the house. I was so hot and sweating and nasty all day and could not shower because our widow maker was broken (shower). I would have had to bucket showered in dirty water. I was frustrated, Elijah was in a bad mood, and Elise was feeling sick. I just had a rotten attitude for the whole afternoon.
That evening I went to a small group in the community from my church that had invited me. It was great to feel welcomed but inside I was still a little bit bitter. Then Susan Ramirez, a leader in our church gave a message on gratitude. As I listened to her talk, I began to feel more and more ashamed of my bad attitude. She lives in the same conditions as I do, if not worse. At any given day there might be 7 -10 people living in her house which is the exact same size as mine which only holds 2.5 people. Yet she kept repeating how she is not grateful to God for all she has. She is belittling herself for not thanking God for food to eat, a place to live, and family that loves her. She thanks God for her legs, her eyes, her ears, he lungs, her heart, her school, her friends, her clothes, etc, etc, etc. You get the point. Then she said, “If God were to not give me anything else the rest of my life, I would still have to spend all my days thanking him for he has already done. I am blessed more than I can ever imagine.” These are words from a girl who makes about $4/day. Her family lost all of the material possessions during Hurricane Mitch. Yet here she is talking about how she doesn’t thank God enough for all she has.

Which brings me back to me. Statistics say I make more money then 98% of the world. I don’t need to look at those statistics to know I have more than most of the families in the community and the world. Yet I complain because of all I don’t have. I wonder what God thinks about my ungratefulness? I wonder how that makes him feel?

I am sorry if I have taken you for granted Father. I am sorry if I have been ungrateful and spoiled brat these last few days (and years before that). Help me change. Make me painfully aware of all you have given me so that I breathe out thanksgiving. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you.

Message to a Young Man

2009-02-19T18:00:00.000-08:00

Dear Young Man,
Happy 18th Birthday. My family and I are still in Honduras so will not be able to spend actual time with you, but I wanted to share some thoughts with you on this special day.

Proverbs 3:5-6
Trust in the LORD with all your heart, and don’t lean on your own (limited) understanding. In all your ways acknowledge HIM and he will direct your path.

My pastor showed me these verses when I was 14 years old. 14 years later and they still guide me through good and bad times. You are a smart guy and will achieve much in life. My advice would be to never take God out of the center of your life. Place all your dreams and ambitions in God’s hands and He will take care of you. Trust him with your future. Trust him with your family. Trust him with your education. Trust him for your future spouse. Trust him for you future job. Trust him for funding. Trust him for every detail you can possible think of. Make sure you keep him centered and I promise you he will direct all your paths. He will guide you. He will lead you. He will make all his grace land on you. You will find favor with everyone you come in contact with. You will find favor in life.

The sky is the limit for you. Memorize these verses and meditate on them day and night. You will begin to see miracles all around you.

I love you,

Rey

Christmas in Seattle 08

2009-01-16T18:06:00.001-08:00

Go Gators!

2009-01-16T15:30:00.001-08:00

It's great to be a Florida Gator!

Content

2008-12-11T14:10:00.001-08:00

I am content. I love my family. I love my job. I love Honduras. I love God.

Poor Treatment at the Hospital

2008-10-27T14:27:00.000-07:00

I was headed to the emergency room with a young man who was clearly dying. He was unconscious and foaming from the mouth. He was ice cold but he had a slight pulse. I had picked him up from the garbage dump and headed to the closes hospital. I also had two other workers from the garbage dump who were with me and dressed like they just got out of the dump. On arriving I dropped them off in the front and left to park the bus. When I ran back to the emergency room, I saw them arguing with some nurses, doctors, and security guards. They did not want to let us in because they looked poor. They were asking – “Who is going to pay?” I couldn’t believe that they were just going to let this young man die outside because they didn’t want to serve this poor guy. I joined the argument and eventually asked to speak to their bosses and then their boss’s bosses. I threatened them with legal action (bluff), United States embassy action (bluff), and United Nations actions (bluff) but eventually they agreed to take him in and serve him. Thank God that an American citizen was part of that group because we would have had to bury another young casualty.

A couple days later, I took a family to the hospital because their daughter had been hit by a car near the garbage dump. Again we experienced the same discrimination and prejudice as before. Nurses and Doctors would skip this family because they all worked in the garbage dump and looked extremely poor. Forget about the little first grader screaming in pain – ‘who was going to pay?’ is all the hospital cared about. I can’t believe the injustice of it all. In both cases I reached a level of anger I had rarely ever reached. I was angry that the people I love and serve, who work in terrible conditions for the love of their family, who make a dollar a day, and who are beginning a walk with God, have to continually suffer because of the socioeconomic class.

I know poverty is an epidemic. I have worked among the poor for many years now. But only now am I seeing the residual effects of poverty. The poor don’t have the same opportunities we do. They don’t receive the same service we do. They are not treated like we are. We need justice. We need God’s kingdom to come. We need it now. Please forgive us and help us Father.

Indecisive

2008-10-13T18:30:00.000-07:00

I have always wondered why some people love shopping. To me it is not an enjoying experience. In fact it is kinda stressful and I hate parking. But I know some friends and family members who would think nothing of shopping for 8 to 12 hours a day for several days straight. I am on the other extreme where I ca do all my shopping in 8 to 12 minutes. I asked a close friend of mine how they could shop for so long. Here is how she explained it. You go in a store and find a perfect shirt. You try it on. It looks great. Its on sale. It seems ideal. I (Rey) would buy it and be done. Not her. She thinks – what if there is a better offer, a better shirt, a better look in the next aisle or next store. The mere thought that there can be something better keeps them looking for more and more and more. They are looking for the ultimate deal. That is how they can shop for hours on end. They are indecisive.

The people of Israel were once slapped in the face by Elijah when he asked them – How long will you be indecisive? If the LORD is God then serve him, if its Baal then serve Baal. (1 Kings 18:21) They, like us, maybe think – I would love to follow Jesus but what if there is a better deal? What if I miss out on fun and excitement if I choose Jesus now? I will follow him later but not now.

Yet in light of eternity, there is no better deal. The best deal I ever got was to give up everything and follow Jesus. That is while a man would sell all he has to buy a field that had a treasure on it. That is while a merchant would sell all he had to buy the pearl of great price. They do that because they realize there is no better deal. There is no banker who will make it better. There is no suitcase with millions of dollars that will make it better. Jesus is the best deal I ever received. I am not indecisive. I will follow him.

Learning to Walk

2008-10-02T14:47:00.001-07:00

A Righteous person falls seven times. And seven times gets back up - Bible

Generations

2008-09-24T14:27:00.000-07:00

The First Assembly of God in Gainesville, FL has given a series of messages titled Generations that focuses on parenting. This series has come at a perfect time for Elise and I, as Elijah is just beginning to throw temper tantrums. He is only 13 months but I can see his dad’s ‘rascaliness’ in him already. I have also realized that I am a living lesson to Elijah about what I believe in life.

One of the issues this has brought up is about our family’s mission statement. We are leaning to some variant of “Teaching Elijah to follow Jesus in character and teaching”. It encompasses a biblical foundation and it is not putting my expectations of him on him. I don’t want him to be what I want him to be ie Gator QB, Soccer star, Missionary with the poor, etc. I want him to be who God wants him to be. That is tough.

I want to teach him to Love God with all his heart, all his mind, all his strength, and all his soul. The only way I can do that is by modeling it for him. That is hard. How do I show him God is more important to me that my job, sports, The Office, Grand Theft Auto, Harry Potter, even the Florida Gators?

Being a dad is really hard.

Outtakes

2008-09-17T12:37:00.000-07:00

I love serving God. And I know God has givene me some incredible gifts. I also know one of them is not being in front of a camera. So sorry to all my fans but you will never see me on TBN, ABC, or CBS. Maybe ESPN.

Cheating

2008-09-05T18:44:00.001-07:00

Sorry for the lack of updates. I have been pretty busy with Project Transformation, start of Gator season, Elijah walking, and life in general.

Please keep me in your prayers. I am in the middle of strategizing (is that even a word) a masterplan for the garbage dump that is going to have massive repercussion and consequences – both good and bad. I feel like I am taking a test. I am definitely going to fail unless I can cheat off of God. So I am trying really hard to look at God’s answer sheet so I can know what the right answers are.

I am not condoning cheating. I got caught cheating once and it was off of my best friend’s answer sheet because I didn’t know where Finland was. I am still hearing that so trust me, cheaters never prosper.

But I need God. More today than I did yesterday. More tomorrow than I do today. I need God. I am utterly depending on God.

Preventative Education

2008-09-02T15:42:00.000-07:00

As we seek transformation, we see the importance of prevention in this process. Yet we think there must be more than prevention. In the community the AFE kids run in, a downward spiral exists, luring and enticing all of the students into its clutches. It is like a black hole whose center pulls and pulls until all hope evaporates. Most of the people have been in this situation for several generations. It seems they are destined to stay in this context of oppression and poverty. Despite all of their efforts to escape, most have been unsuccessful.

John 1:5 – The light shines through the darkness, and the darkness can never extinguish it.

Once God starts moving and shining his light, the end of darkness is inevitable. That is the ultimate reality of the garbage dump and the surrounding communities. God is moving and people are taking notice.

Part of the darkness that is being snuffed out is drugs and alcohol. Today we had a special group of police officers come to teach about the dangers of drugs and alcohol. It was a great experience for our children.

However, preventive education is not enough. How many students in your fifth grade class tried drugs and alcohol after graduating from the “DARE” program? That is why Jesus aims at the heart, and we aim at the heart in our work at AFE. Most of the students attend church together faithfully on Sundays, and have great mentors in their teachers who look at their jobs as ministry.

The other day kids ran after Rey, quoting back his message at church: “Jesus is the only drink that can satisfy.” Yes, we work in preventive education here, but deeper than that, we work at heart transplants.

Olympics

2008-08-20T11:52:00.000-07:00

Michael Phelps just got his 8th gold medal of the Beijing Olympics. He has trained since he was very young. He has spent countless hours exercising, training, and working out. He his worked to the best of his abilities for these medals. He has accomplished something no one else has ever accomplished. He is not the only one. These Olympics are a showcase for people who have trained their entire lives for this moment. Story after story has come out about families that have had to sell their homes to pay for their children’s training.

Not only am I amazed at his dedication and passion and humility, I am also convicted. Here is a young man who is so disciplined. He is swimming to the best of his abilities for the USA. And I who am working for God Almighty am not as dedicated nor disciplined nor committed as Phelps. I want to emulate his passion for my God. I want to press on with all my strength and go till I cant go anymore.

Dia del Indio at AFE

2008-08-15T18:53:00.001-07:00

For Honduras' national day of tribute to Lempira and their indigenous heritage, Rey and I somehow found ourselves dressing the part along with everyone else and dancing ballet flokorico with to other teachers of AFE.

Year one with Elijah

2008-08-10T12:11:00.000-07:00

One year has passed since Elijah popped out of Elise and into our lives. It has been an incredible year. I never would have imagined how much joy Elijah would add not just to my life, but our entire family. I see so much of his mother in him. When I took him to his first soccer match, he cried the entire time because I was cheering too loud and threatening the referees. Just like his mom. But I see so much of myself in him too. Like when he whines and cries until he gets his way. Just like his dad.

We had the privilege of hosting a Work team from Washington Cathedral the same day as his birthday. Elijah was given a Honduran birthday complete with piñata and tortillas. We had our adopted family, the Ordonez over our home along with the work team. Elijah got some great presents including a full Catracho outfit which is the Honduran National Team.

I was so happy to see Elijah open his gifts. I had more anticipation then him because he doesn’t even know what is going on. He doesn’t know what presents are. He plays with the wrapping as much as with the toys. I loved him get happy. I wonder how much of this is like our heavenly father. Thanks for all the good and perfect gifts you have given us especially Elijah Rey Timoteo Diaz.

God’s Protection

2008-07-25T21:04:00.000-07:00

In Psalms 91, which I have read countless times, something popped up. As I was reading it I had this great image. If I chose to keep my dwelling and hiding place in God, then God would cover me with his protection. This location can be compared to a massive castle or stronghold. Imagine a castle like in Lord of the Rings. See it from afar and see a small little speck standing on the tallest tower. As we zoom in, that black speck is waving. As you get even closer, you see it’s you. Surrounding the castle are all sorts of enemies and traps but you are completely safe. God is your refuge and strong tower. Armies upon armies attack in full force but you are never shaken. You are under God’s protection.

‘He will call on me and I will answer him.’

So I have been meditating on that image for the last couple weeks, maybe a little longer. Although I appreciated protection and safety in the states, it has been here in Honduras where these have found consistency in my list of request. I travel in pretty dangerous places not to strut around but because my church is on a garbage heap. People carry weapons there and aren’t afraid to whip them out. I could lie and say I am not scared. But the truth is I am experiencing constant fear. That is why I was meditating on Psalms 91. I want to speak faith into my own life – ‘God will protect you. No harm will befall you.’

Yet I still face fears every time I go up to the garbage dump. But I will not let this fear paralyze me. There is a group that is asking for some discipleship classes a couple times a week in the garbage dump and I am going to start them really soon. Please keep me in prayer as I face this fear and accept God’s protection.

Bad Daddy

2008-07-19T11:18:00.000-07:00

Yeah maybe I should not try playing a video game and feeding Elijah at the same time.

Day at the beach with teachers of AFE

2008-07-18T11:13:00.000-07:00

Yesterday, I went with my family and the teachers of AFE to the beach. It was a beautiful day. The bad part was the 4 hour bus ride to get to the beach. I have fought it for years but finally I have to confess. I get motion sickness. I feel weak even typing this. But after sitting in that bus, I was so queasy and nauseous. I hate it. I can’t go anywhere without getting sick. I took a Dramamine on the drive back.

It was a great time to spend with the teachers. They work so hard and sacrifice so much for these children who live and work in the garbage dump. And they do it for nothing. I am inspired by them. I wish I had their commitment and dedication. These are my heroes.

Nothing to Say

2008-07-15T11:11:00.000-07:00

I got nothing to say except that I don’t have time right now because I am playing Grand Theft Auto IV and taking down the Russian Mob.

From A to B

2008-07-08T17:28:00.000-07:00

The last verse of 1 Corinthians 13 has always resounded with me.

1 Cor 13:13 And now these three remain: faith, hope and love. But the greatest of these is love.

Since love is the greatest, I have worked really hard at being a person who can be characterized by love. I have tried to make decisions based on my love for God and my love for people. I am here in Honduras, because I love the children in this garbage dump. My heart was moved with compassion some years ago, and I felt I needed to come down here and help in anyway I could. Love has been my driving force. Love has been my motivation. I want to love God with all my being and I want to share God’s love with as many people as I can especially those considered ‘poor’. That is my calling. That is point A. I am far from where I should be in terms of love, but of the 3 mentioned in this verse, love is definitely my strength. Love is Point A.

Point B would be hope. Of the 3, it is probably my second best area. Hope is not that hard to have, especially when you read the promises God has for us. Hope is what the future would look like if God had his way. The picture I get when I ask this question is my hope. It is the anchor that I hold onto that keeps me going. Hope is the picture of a world transformed by God’s love. Hope is the image of a people lifted out of poverty. Hope is what I am reaching for. Hope paints the picture of where I want to go. Hope is that in a few years, no children will be living or working in this garbage dump. Hope is that the structures of the garbage dump will not oppress the people but will actually provide for their needs. Hope is that leaders will rise up from this rubble and become the future heroes of Honduras. Hope is that garbage dumps and any other like communities would be transformed all around the world. That is where I want to go. That is Hope. That is point B.

As you can see, I am living at point A. I can see point B, what God wants. But I don’t know how to get there. That is because my major weakness is the last virtue listed in this verse – Faith. Faith is how we get from point A to point B. Faith takes us to what God wants. God has showed us His Will. We know what we should be hoping for. But only faith will get us there. Only faith will make hope a reality. There is no other way. Not through effort. Not through desire. Not through waiting. There is a moment when we are at point A, that we will have to take the first step towards point B. That step is called faith. Faith is the only way.

Unfortunately this is my biggest weakness. I need your help. I need you to help my unbelief. Help me step out in faith. Help me grow in faith. I want to reach point B, and if I can only reach it through faith, then that is what I want.

Faith is evidence of things hoped for.

Guidance

2008-06-17T12:06:00.000-07:00

In Acts 16:4-10 Paul and Barnabas hear from God through a vision. That’s just crazy. I have only had one vision in my lifetime and I am not even sure about it. I have never seen an angel or heard God’s voice. But I strongly believe God still speaks to us today.

I have people talk to me every week about needing to hear from God about a decision. How do we hear from God? There are so many ways that God speaks to us today. Dr Glanville wrote a paper explaining 40 ways God can speak to us. He speaks to different people in different ways. Although God can speak to us in many ways, he always speaks to us while we are following Jesus. It is while we are following God, that we will hear his voice.

Look at Paul. He was on his second missionary journey already following God’s call. He didn’t have specifics. He didn’t have a chart. He didn’t have a clear vision of what he had to do. But he was following God and as he followed, God gave him clear, concise direction.

Here is my presupposition. God, as our heavenly father, is going to be very clear about His will for our lives. He will not be evasive or ambiguous about His will. A friend of mine, Rice, gave me a great illustration for understanding this presupposition. Imagine you are on a train track. God’s voice is the train that you can barely hear far away. As the train gets closer, you hear the train much better. As it gets even closer, you can see the train. You have no doubt it coming. As it gets even closer, you can hop on and do God’s will or you can run from it. But the train is coming and you are not going to miss it. In the same way, God will make his will very clear.

Story of My Life

2008-06-10T22:16:00.000-07:00

I am in love with the idea of being a hero. I want to save the day, vanquish evil, bring justice, get the girl and have theme music when I walk into the room. Especially on my adventures to Honduras, I think of myself as Indiana Jones rescuing people from the cycle of poverty in the garbage dump.

Yet when I make myself the main character, I am blind to the truth. I am blind to God’s role, way, and plan. I am blind to the fact that I am only a minor character in this larger drama. The main character has always been and will always be God. He is behind the scenes moving parts, making things happen, and in the center of the action. He is ultimately supreme. If I look closely to the episodes in my life, I will see this truth.

God is the main character in the story of my life.

Once I acknowledge this, I gain sight. I move from blindness to seeing. I see that God is the centerpiece of this story. I see that I am taking credit for things I have no business taking credit for. I am getting applause for things I don’t deserve applause for. All these events have been God’s idea. Once I see God as the main character in the story of my life, I begin to see God. As my eyes open and I see Him more and more. Times and places I thought I was by myself or acting alone, I begin to see evidence of his presence. I begin to see his fingerprints all around my life. Since I am seeing more of Him, I begin to trust Him more. You see, I am stuck in chapter 10 and I don’t know what is going to happen in the next chapter. Even less, I can’t see 5 chapters ahead. Worse, I tend to misinterpret the previous 10 chapters. But that’s okay because God is the main character. I am just a minor character. That doesn’t mean I am an unimportant character. It doesn’t mean I am not a valuable or vital character. Just not the main character.

I fit better as a minor character to God as the main character. I don’t mind being type-cast for this role.

Exposure

2008-06-01T18:06:00.000-07:00

I have been sick the last few days from eating at the garbage dump with some of the children. I must have been exposed to bacteria that have invaded my intestines. Although I am feeling horrible now (especially since I have to travel14 hours tomorrow), I understood the cost in working in this type of environment. I am exposing myself to all sorts of germs, viruses, and bacteria which explains my recent bouts of sickness since moving here. All this exposure is eventually going to catch up with me. Although I am not saying one is above the other in the nature vs nurture argument, I strongly believe I am influenced and shaped by what I am exposed to. I am product of what I have been exposed to.

This truth works for both good and bad. I had some of the greatest mentors invest in my development and now I am who I am thanks to God. At the same time, I wonder about these hundreds of children who are exposed to all sorts of evil at the garbage dump. How is that evil affecting them?

The children and young adults of who live and work in the garbage dump are exposed to things that no one should ever see. The other day I went up and saw a dead body. Without being to graphic, the person had been killed by both a machete and gun. All the kids I knew were surrounding the body. Afterwards they told me about the body as if it was the norm, with no sense of tragedy. This is their world. This is what they see all the time. But this is also the world God loves so much he sent his Son to save. Somehow, we have to get more of the children out of the garbage dump. That exposure is vexing their souls. We need to expose them to God’s love and to so many of the positive this life has to offer.

The good news is that slowly but surely this is happening. So far we have convinced 6 kids who usually work in the garbage dump, to play on a soccer team 3 afternoons a week. Those are two days they will not be exposed to evil but be surrounded by a team that encourages and challenged them. This is great news but we have so many more left.

What Would Jesus Have Done?

2008-05-20T16:58:00.000-07:00

In moving to Honduras, I had been warned about the corruption among the cops. I had discussed the idea of paying a bribe with Elise, and we both decided that we would not perpetuate the evil system but stand up against it by not paying. Last week on my way to speak at a church, I was stopped at a check point. After seeing that all my papers were in order, the police kept looking for something to ticket me about. They asked to search my ‘equipment’ meaning my spare tire and jack. I showed them all we had. Then they asked for ‘triangles.’ After asking what they meant, I understood they wanted safety triangles that are bright orange. I did not have any which gave them the opportunity they were looking for.

The police asked for my passport. I showed them a copy. They asked for the original but I know I am never supposed to carry it around with me. Instead I gave them my driver’s license. Although I felt something fishy was up, it was confirmed when they asked me if I had ‘dollars or lempira.’ I told them I only had lempiras. He said I would have to pay 1000 L for my ticket. I didn’t argue. But then he said, “I am going to keep your Driver’s License until you come back and pay me the 1000 L.” At that point I said, “Why can’t I pay at the courthouse or transit station?” He ignored my question at which point I said, “Let me call my lawyers to see what they say.” The look on Elise’s face was priceless when I said that. Later she would ask, “What would Danny have done when he got your call?” Of course I meant the other lawyers the mission mentioned to me briefly but I didn’t really have their number. The police then asked me where I was going again, which I had told them several times before. I told them again and this time they said, “Oh, why didn’t you tell me earlier. You can go ahead and go.” I left happy to have won round one.

Round two was today. This time it was a draw because I was actually in the wrong. My passenger did not have on his seat belt when I was stopped. Again I was told it would be 1000L. The police officer repeated this several times giving me ample opportunity to stop him from writing the ticket with a bribe. He even pulled out the Driver Ed book and read me the law. But I didn’t budge. The head officer came over because I had been pulled over for over 10 minutes and asked what was going on. I explained to him my mistake. He told the other police officer to let me go. I was so happy because I thought I had won again! But right before I left, he asked/commanded me to bring a 3L Coke Bottle for their generosity. That was the issue.

Would bringing them a coke be a bribe? Or would it be a gesture of thanks? I was torn. I didn’t know what to do. Finally I made my decision. I would buy the 3L of coke for them. But afterwards I felt I shouldn’t have done that. So right before I pulled up to the check point to hand them the coke, I shook it up so that it would explode all over them. I handed it over at the point of explosion and sped off. I won’t be heading that direction anytime soon. Is that what Jesus would do?

Why Either Or?

2008-05-20T06:59:00.000-07:00

Why is it that we humans have a need to be one side of all the arguments. Do we think it is safer to take one side hoping it is the winning side?

James attacks this mentality in chapter 2. From the time he wrote this until now, most of Christianity has divided itself up into two separate camps. Those who are works oriented stressing justice and good deeds. And those that are faith oriented stressing right beliefs and orthodoxy. You can pick an issue and it stands true today. Are you Calvinist or Armenian? Free Will or Predestined? Are you creationist or evolutionist? Are you liberal or conservative? Republican or democrat? This last example is a perfect illustration. As my friend Danny was jumping through the hoops to get into the political realm, he was given the advice to pick one political party and not to hang on the fence. The same is true in so many of these biblical issues where people want to pigeon hole us into one of the other. Depending on what family you were raised in, you were taught why one way is right and why one way is wrong.

My problem is that I am a paradoxical person. I don’t have a problem if human logic is against my conclusion because I know reason is limited. Could there be a world or place where free will exist is perfect unity with predestination? Do I really believe that God’s ways are higher than my ways? Do I have the audacity to believe I have figured God out?

I don’t want to be in either camp. I don’t want to be either a works person or a faith person. I don’t want to be a spirit-filled Christian or a Bible believing Christian. James tells us we can be both. Better yet, James says we have to be both or we miss out. I want both. I want to best of both camps. I want to live by faith acted out by works. I want to live by the Spirit that is in the realm of the Bible. I want to make decision based on my free will knowing that God has predestined. I want to care about the poor and disfranchised mike Democrats and I want to value life like the Republicans. I personally like living in this contradiction.

Mother's Day

2008-05-12T18:38:00.001-07:00

Thanks to Washington Cathedral, Orphan Outreach, and Project Transformation we were able to have a Mother’s Day celebration where we honored over 200 mothers who work in the garbage dump. It was nothing short of a miracle.

All week long, I went up to the garbage dump to invite the mother’s and let them know all the details of the celebration. Although I invited mother’s everyday, it was hard to guess how many would show up. Friday morning, we rented a bus that I took into the garbage dump to bring the woman to the school. My jaw dropped when I saw over 200 women ready to get on the bus. We squished in all the women with their small children, and then headed down to the soccer field in front of the school. We had beautiful set up for the mothers where they could sit in the shade during the children’s presentation and then eat peacefully. The mother’s ate among friends while Jeony encouraged them to keep their heads up. They were also given vouchers to pick up some clothes.

Our main agenda was to share God’s love with these mothers so that they felt honored. But we did have another agenda. Most of these mother’s do not have their children in a school but have them work alongside them. Our prayer was to use this event to showcase the children’s progress so that the mother’s would be inspired to allow their children to come to school. So far I have spoken with several mothers who plan on registering their children this week. We are so excited. I have come to realize the importance of reaching the future generation of garbage workers before their identity becomes engrained with the garbage dump culture.

A typical Honduras tradition for Mother’s Day is to present mothers with a basket that has the essentials for the home such as a rice, beans, eggs, soap, etc. These baskets cost about $15 and are nothing but a dream to the mother’s who work in the garbage dump. It would take them about 15 days to save up to buy one but that would mean not eating anything for the family during those 15 days. Clearly impossible. Yet, thanks to all you readers, we were able to sponsor 48 baskets! During the celebration 48 families received the gift of a lifetime. I wish you could have seen the faces of the mothers who would cry with joy over their baskets. It was beautiful.

Please pray for these mother who each represent a family working and living in the garbage dump. Also pray that we could use the momentum of this amazing event to continue towards transformation.

What the heck is this?

2008-05-06T16:40:00.000-07:00

Sometimes being a hero backfires. Today Elise freaked out when she saw what she thought was a tarantula in our back patio. She claimed it was dead but how can I trust her. Courageously I walked out back to see for myself. What I saw can not be described in words. What happened next happened very fast. I said, “Holy Beep…. What the heck is this?” Suddenly, Elise screams and runs away. The scream sets off the baby who starts crying too. Then she closes the back door, thereby locking me outside. In the commotion I had put the creature in a dustpan but it had tipped over throwing the creature closer to me. I tried to get away but Elise had locked me out. I was banging on the door begging Elise to let me in, but she wouldn’t because she now thought it was still alive now that I was scared. I felt like I was in one of those Alien movies where one poor guy is locked inside of the hatch where there is still a live alien. He pounds and pounds on the door but his ‘friends’ keep the door closed while the alien eats him alive.

I love being married.

Dream Come True

2008-05-03T18:43:00.000-07:00

All my life I have wanted interns. After watching Life Aquatic and how he used his interns to steal from his competition, rescue his life, clean his house, and anything else he could imagine, I have been dying to get some interns. Well God hooked me up with two interns for a month. Not only are they interns, but they are from the UK so they have awesome accents too. I could not be happier. I forced them to watch "Iron Man" with me because Elise didn't want to go with me (They also got me candy and soda from the concession during the film). Last night they put together an entertainment system that i didn't want to put together. Honestly, I probably could not have done it by myself. Anyways, thanks God.

By the way, this is all a joke. These guys have come here to serve God in Honduras and have been used by them so powerfully. It has been a privilege to work alongside Tom Clare and Casper Harret.

Don't Turn a Deaf Ear

2008-05-03T08:07:00.000-07:00

Living in Honduras has cemented the importance of communication in me. Although Spanish was my first language, I have forgotten much of the details, lost my accent, and never learned the grammatically correct way to speak. Add the different ways of speaking Spanish in Honduras such as slang, the ‘voz’ form, and speed, all make it hard on Elise and I to communicate.

For example when Elise was telling others in Honduras about her getting robbed, she made a crucial mistake. Instead of saying the thief robbed her with a knife (Cuchillo), she said the thief used a spoon (Cuchara). The Hondurans were both appalled and impressed that a thief would use a spoon. This is a silly example, but there are many other miscommunication that cost time, energy, resources, and money.

In regards to communicating with God, the author of Hebrews repeatedly mentions, “Don’t turn a deaf ear to my voice…” If my entire life is based on my relationship with God, then that relationship hinges on communication. I am realizing more and more that my communication with God is driving my understanding of his will for my life. Sometimes I miss God’s will for my life, I miss His instruction, and I miss His advice because I turn a deaf ear.

So how do I turn a deaf ear? Why do I ignore some things and not others? How can I assure that I have open ears ready to listen to God? These are the questions I am focusing on this week. I need to know God’s direction. I need to know His will. I need to know His will for my family. I need to know what he wants me to do here in Honduras. All of this takes place only I hear his voice.

Fed up but persevering

2008-04-27T07:31:00.000-07:00

James 1:12
Blessed are those who persevere under trial, because when they have stood the test, they will receive the crown of life that God has promised to those who love him.

Since arriving in Honduras we have been sick, sad, waterless, threatened, mocked, stranded, shot at, and robbed at knife point. We have also been part of God’s beautiful plan to transform the garbage dump. It has been the best and the worst of life. I would not mind as much if it was just me but I feel responsible for Elise and Elijah. Last weekend, while I was away, Elise was robbed right next to our house while she was taking Elijah for a stroll. I felt so helpless and powerless. I thank God that nothing happened to them. I thank God that he was protecting them. The situation could have been so many times worse. Afterwards, I am struggling with understanding.

It is really hard not to get angry and frustrated. I want someone to blame. God? Gangs? Drugs? Honduran Government? But I know why I am so angry. It is because I don’t want to go to God with my anger. I want to hold it in because it fuels my ideas for vengeance, hate, and rage. If I let go of anger, if I forgive the thief, then I have placed these into God’s hands. I have given up my right to be angry. I have realized how much I have been forgiven. I have realized how blessed I actually am. But it is so hard.

I am the first to admit I do not have a crystal clear picture of what the future looks like for me and my family. I do know that the safest place to be is in the center of God’s will. We will persevere. But when I feel like quitting, I would love your help. I want to past this test. I want to live the life you have for me. I want to be used for you. I am not used to ‘suffering’ and this transition has been harder than I thought. Please help me. Help me persevere

Dark Tower

2008-04-18T21:34:00.001-07:00

I love reading. I mean I really love it. It might be the closest thing to an addiction I have. I have to reading several books at the same time or I feel something is off. I love reading to Elijah and I love reading to the students at AFE. (I think I am reading so much because one of my dreams is to be a writer. I would love to be able to write for a living. I want to write all sorts of things … children’s novels, Christian books, Love stories, and Practical Theology books. Just kidding about the love story. Or maybe I’m not. I don’t even know. Anyways, I am way to lazy to be a writer right now but I am really going to start working at it.. I am inspired by a friend of mine named Alex TWolf. He woke up way early in the morning to write for several hours BEFORE going to work. I can’t even begin to fathom what kind of dedication it takes. Anyways, I digress.)

Right now I am reading through the Dark Tower Books by Stephen King. I feel horrible because I bought them as a present for my friend Danny, but Elise packed them for me thinking I wanted them in Honduras. So before I go to bed I read a few chapters of these books. There are seven books in all and I am almost done with the last book. The series has had ups and downs but has mostly kept my attention. …. You know what I lost my train of thought and can’t remember where I was going with this article. It is really late in Honduras and I am falling asleep. I will finish this though later. Sorry.

I love God and he is going to help me write some day. Remember this – “Koinos”. One day it will be the next Harry Potter phenomena.

Road Rage

2008-04-11T08:06:00.000-07:00

Be quick to listen and slow to speak and slow to become angry, because one’s anger does not bring about the righteous life that God desires.

As a younger man, I had a serious case of road rage. At one point in my life, I would carry around a roll of pennies. These were used as projectiles thrown at any car that would be stupid enough to cut me off, pass me, not stop at red light. I have broken horns in my car from honking so much. I don’t believe in the honk once to teach them a lesson technique. I am into the honk and follow them for 10-15 minutes, never taking your hand off the horn, to teach them a lesson. I have probably followed 20 cars for over 15 minutes because of their driving. Over the years, God has worked in me, especially my anger. In fact, I would say that it has not been a major issue for several years now.

But it all came back in Honduras. I don’t know what exactly did it, but for some reason I snapped on Monday. Maybe it was waiting 3 hours at the US Embassy to get one signature when there was no one in line. Maybe it was the taxis that cut me off, honk at me, and yell all sorts of stuff at me for allowing one car into my lane. Maybe it was strike the bridge workers were on that made me get lost for hour and half in a the wrong part of town. Maybe it was the DHL drop off that would not accept the pre-paid package despite talking to a general manager on the phone forcing me to pay the $80. Maybe it was the HSBC bank that has kept adding things to the list of things I need before opening an account but telling one at a time. Maybe it was Memphis losing in overtime after missing 3 free throws that could have won the game costing me the victory in my NCAA bracket. Whatever it was, I snapped. And it was not pretty. God forgive me. Elise forgive me and Elijah forgive me. I knew something was wrong when I was yelling at the XBOX. I knew something was wrong when I was mad at the light bulb that popped. And finally I knew something was wrong when I sarted following the taxi driver having no clue how to get home.

I went for a jog to clear my mind. I had a good talk with Elise. And then i found the above verse and have been meditating on that. I feel much better now. I am learning patience. I though God brought me here to work on my ministry skills which I am sure he is doing but I have realized that God is much more interested in who I am becoming. He is definitely working on my character.

PS Beowolf sucks. Dan in Real Life is good.

Movie Weekend

2008-03-31T18:48:00.001-07:00

By now most of you know i love watching movies. I grew up watching them as a kid with my family and I am still a fan of Hollywood. Well since moving to Honduras, I have not had an opportunity to watch any movies. They have theaters here and places to rent movies but without a car and with little time, I have just not been able to watch anything. Well that changed this past weekend. I was able to watch not one, not two, but THREE movies. I finally got a car (thanks Washington Cathedral) so I found a place to rent movies and checked out two. Then Elise and I went on our first date in Honduras and saw another. Here are my thoughts.

10,000 BC
Not the greatest movie ever. Pretty cool effects like the saber tooth tiger. It was predictable and I couldn’t come up with any illustrations. It is the same story of a young warrior who rises up to free his people. It was not historical and left me wanting more. Plus I saw it dubbed in Spanish which is fine with me but Elise was sooo lost.

No Country For Old Men
I just don’t get it. I am not the smartest man in the world, but I’m not dumb either. I don’t get this movie. There is this amazing character (the bad guy) who needs to find justice. This guy is an incredible actor who portrays evil so well. The other actor who is the main character is so tough and gritty. The type of person who never backs down but he meets his end without so much as a warning. I love the Cohen Brothers especially Raising Arizona but what the heck. Give me a bone. PS The bad guy did deserve that Oscar though. He was one bad mother.

I am Legend
I had seen it before but it was so much better the second time. I love Will Smith and I love the story. On top of all of that, it gave me the outline of my message for this Sunday’s church service. It goes like this. This man is looking for a cure to save these vampire-like people. A disease has killed 90% of the human population. Of the rest almost all have turned into these vampire-like creatures. There are a select few who are immune to both kinds of viruses and are still alive. At the end, Will discovers the cure to the disease. By finally listening to God’s voice he understands what he must do. He sacrifices himself to give the antidote to the two other survivors. Although it cost his life, he is able to save many others. The two survivors take the antidote to the survivor’s camp. The movie is full of suspense and action. And it gives a beautiful illustration of what my savior did. Jesus too sacrificed himself on my behalf. He too offers me healing from the disease of sin.

PS I did make it to church although really late.

What Values Drive me?

2008-03-31T16:56:00.000-07:00

As I continue studying at Fuller, I am taking a leadership class that is really stretching me. One of my exercises is to write down the central values that dertermine who I am and what I do. The excerise seems easy but i have been wrestling to figure out what the values are. Supposedly great leaders know their values and articulate them in a way that inspires and moves others into actions. So if I don't even know what my values are, how can I articulate them. So here is what I ahve so far. Feel free to let me know if these are close or way off base (those who know me well).

What are the central values that drive my actions?
Justice –
It is not right that some families live and work in garbage dumps.
Poverty is an epidemic that must be confronted
Preach the good news to the poor
These is so much wrong in this world
Evil triumph when good people do nothing
Isaiah 61, Micah 6:8, Amos 5:24, Luke 11:42

The Gospel –
The Gospel meets the deepest and most felt needs of any person in any context in any situation.
The Gospel is God’s kingdom life available to all right now
The Gospel transforms lives and leads to abundant life
I want to share the Gospel, through who I am, what I say, and what I do, with as many people as possible
John 10:10, Matt 28:18, John 20:21

Mission
God uses people to solve the world’s problems
God has invited me to serve alongside Him
I was created by Him and for Him
In Christ we find our purpose
God blesses us to be a blessing
Go, send, or disobey
Hab 1:5, Exodus 3, Isaiah 6, Gen 12, Eph 1:11, 2:10

Obedience
I will follow Jesus
I want to please God
Complete trust yields complete obedience
My faith is strengthened through obedience
My character and integrity are by products of my obedience
If I obey God, he will come through for me
If I disobey God, he will come through for me
The safest place to be is in the center of God’s will
Submission is the best manifestation of obedience
John 15, Deut 28, Matt 8:27, Heb 13:17

Family
I will make them the priority in my life
I will place their needs before mine
My main ministry is to them
I will not give them the leftovers of my life, energy, and joy
I will be a model of a follower of Jesus
Ephesians 5:25, 6:4

What do you think? Father, would you keep guiding me as to have teh values you want me to have. If I am way off than show me. I ask this in your name.

My Motives

2008-03-19T08:18:00.000-07:00

Do nothing out of selfish ambition or pride, but in humility consider others better than yourselves. Each of you should look not only to your own interests, but also to the interests of others.

As some who seriously struggles with pride I make it a habit to constantly ask myself tough questions about my motives. In the first 4 verses of Philippians 2, Paul tells us what to do and what not to do. His first set of directives can be summed up in one word –unity. By agreeing with one another, loving one another, and befriending one another we create an atmosphere of unity. We all know the power of unity and have seen countless illustrations of teams, companies, and churches that have flourished when united.
His second set of directive show what breaks up the unity. This is the part that really convicts me – 4 jabs that leave me with the sense that I am no better than when I first started. Here they are…straight from the Bible.
1 – Do nothing out of selfish ambition
2 – Don’t do anything because of pride
3 – In humility consider others better than yourself?
4 – Don’t look out only for your interest, but also for the interest of others

So here are the questions these verse beg me to ask but I don't want to because I don't want to hear the answers.

- What are my motives- hidden, percieved, upfront ?
- Am I competing with someone else?
- Who do I want to get the credit?
- Am I doing this to impress others?
- Do I do some of these things because of pride?
- Do I really think others are better than me?
- Do I look out for other’s interest more than mine?

These are the questions that shock me back to reality. I know I am far from where I should be. I want to have pure motives. Yet I know the answers to these questions reveal I still need God to change my inside.

Father would you search my heart and examine me. Create a clean and pure heart in me. I humble , myself before you acknowledge that without you I am nothing and can accomplish nothing. Here I am.

Harder than I thought

2008-03-13T09:23:00.000-07:00

It is so much harder than I thought to be living in a country away from home. I am sure it will get easier as time goes on but for now, I am having a lot of difficulty. It is not like we are living in horrible conditions or worrying about having enough food. It comes down to the idea that I have lost so many things that I just took for granted. I have lost my freedom. I don’t have a car. I am completely dependant on other people. I don’t have a personal doctor to go to. I can’t get help as easily as before. I have lost my routine. I am far away from family and friends.

I had an experience last week that I think is affecting the way I look at helping. A guy from the garbage dump yelled at me in the dump as I was trying to offer him free medical advice. It really bugged me because I am trying to help. I am helping his family and children. But he treated me so bad. The day before, we had come up to give out food and again people were rude and mean to me. They were mad at me for trying to help them and not having enough. It makes me frustrated I guess I am feeling for the first time the agony of the poor and helping the poor. In fact I remember a friend, Johnny, telling me something about the poor not helping you and appreciating you. This is going to be a lot harder than I thought. Please help me adjust my expectations so that I am not stunned like I was before.

I don’t want to sound like I am whining. I feel alive. I feel joyful. I know I am following Jesus. But the truth still remains - A sacrifice is always a sacrifice.

Through my classes and experience, I have learned some valuable lessons on leadership. One that I had never understood until now is Leadership is Sacrifice. “Leaders are selfless. Leaders sacrifice, and by sacrificing they demonstrate that they’re not in it for themselves; instead, they have the interest of others at heart.” I am learning the truth in these statements firsthand. I want to continue growing as a leader so that means I have to learn this lesson. I am not here for myself but for the families living and working in the garbage dump. I want to show that with my life.

Teamwork

2008-03-04T09:20:00.000-08:00

Psalm 133

How good and pleasant it is
when brothers live together in unity!
2 It is like precious oil poured on the head,
running down on the beard,
running down on Aaron’s beard,
down upon the collar of his robes.
3 It is as if the dew of Hermon
were falling on Mount Zion.
For there the Lord bestows his blessing,
even life forevermore.

I remember someone teaching me about dew on a mountain. These drops of dew would all fall down together. And together these small, insignificant drops of dew would form a raging waterfall. That is the power of unity and team. That is the power of getting along.

I know that the same is true for me and the team working here in Honduras. We have to be united in purpose or else we will miss out. So I am asking for your blessing on our team. I am asking for unity, love, friendship, and compassion among our teammates. We are serving you God. Please bring the right people into our team. Help all of us put aside our egos. Especially me.

What is Enough?

2008-03-04T09:11:00.000-08:00

My grace is enough; it’s all you need.
My strength comes into its own in your weakness. 2 Corinthians 12

As I am looking into my life and ministry, I am seeing more and more weaknesses than I would like. Some part of me would love to be much farther along the path of Chritslikeness than I am right now. Yet despite these last 13 years, I have some of the same struggles. I have some worse struggles. Not to say I am not a different person, just that maybe now I am more aware of how far away I was.

So inside I have an internal volcano. I get frustrated, angry, distressed, and anxious because of my perfectionistic nature. Sometimes I can’t stand my own self because of my failures. It’s not that I don’t understand grace (I probably don’t) but I desire so much to please you. It is frustrating when I keep falling short. Yet here I am again.

That’s why this verse speaks so clearly into my life. Your grace is enough. It’s not by works or effort. I can’t strain myself to holiness and purity. It’s your grace. It’s all I need. I don’t need anything else but the gift of your son. Then I hold onto the promise that Your strength comes into its own in my weakness. Once day you will be glorified like never before through my weaknesses. One day you will take my pride and be glorified. Same with lust, anger, bitterness, lying, etc.

I love your Holy Spirit. I am feeling more in contact in regards to certain areas such as convictions, prayers, and passion. But I want everything exponentially more. I want from glory to glory. I want you more.

Passion and Worship

2008-03-03T09:04:00.000-08:00

Yesterday I went to Amor y Vida for worship. I was struck by the purity and passion with which the people worshipped you. I had a strong sense of something lacking in my own devotion to you. I am not sure if it something I had and lost or something I have never had. And then during worship I felt you so strong. It was like you were meeting with me in a very real sense.

I would love to have the type of passion I saw. Please don’t let my knowledge or brain get in the way. Don’t let my problem solving or analytical ways get in the way. I count all that as garbage compared to the surpassing greatness of knowing you Jesus. How do I get that kind of passion? What is hindering me from attaining that kind of passion?

Again I place you at the center. Again I stand in awe of you

Abram's Call - My Call

2008-02-20T08:56:00.000-08:00

Abram receives a call to go to the land of the Chaldeans. It is a dangerous call. Abram has to leave familiarity and comfort for insecurity and the unknown. He is leaving behind everything he knows. Yet in the next verse it says that Abram went. He obeyed because he trusted God.

I am emotional right now. I am doubting. I am uncomfortable. I am sad. I am angry. I am all over the map.

Father please help me trust in you. Help me trust in your hand and your plan. Help me trust you are in control.

When Abram arrived in the land, you said that was a land you would give his inheritance. Abram could have been angry about sacrificing so much for you and receiving so little in return, but he didn’t. He built an altar and worshipped. That is what I want to do. I am building an altar here in my room. And I am worshipping you. I am surrendering again. I am yours. Me and my family. All that we are and all that we have.

This is really hard. I can’t express how tough this is on me at this moment. But I want to be an example to Elijah. This is what it means to follow Jesus. I want to model complete trust and complete obedience.

Faces of Amor, Fe y Esperanza

2008-02-15T15:31:00.001-08:00

These are the faces of the students of a school servicing children whose families work or live in a garbage dump. Project Transformation is working to change this reality so that the lives and sturctures are transformed.

Project Transformation

2008-02-13T17:39:00.001-08:00

This will be the first time most of you have heard of Project Transformation. Basically Project Transformation is the name of our project in Honduras. But it is also much more than just that. It is a goal. It is an ideal. It is a dream. It is a dream of a better world. It is a dream where there are no children working and living in a garbage dump. It is a dream about babies watched for in a nursery and not in cardboard boxes on top of garbage. It is a dream of children receiving an education and not digging through trash. It is a dream of health care and treatments for families instead of malnutrition and disease. It is a dream of happiness and hope instead of destitution and misery. Finally, it is a dream of God’s presence and justice prevailing instead of evil.
The goal of Project Transformation is to see God’s hand working in the garbage dump of Tegucigalpa, Honduras. We believe God will radically transform the lives of the people living and working in the garbage dump. We also believe God will radically transform the structure of the garbage dump so that it is a safe, secure, and hygienic location for adults to work.
Project Transformation is an extension of Washington Cathedral’s mission… to build the greatest caring network the world has ever seen. We are going to the poorest of the poor to fulfill our mission.

In Memory

2008-01-03T21:12:00.001-08:00

Donna Zimerman’s Memorial Service
During this service, I read aloud the Father’s Love Letter. It was what see wanted read during this service. It is a beautiful, intimate love letter from You to us. As I read it. I sensed your love for your children and your fervent desire to be near us. I also saw how that loved completely drove Donna to become the person she was. It was a beautiful thing to hear how people were touched and moved and inspired by her life. She pointed towards you. She gave sacrificially. She was such an awesome example of a real follower of Christ. One of the greatest compliments she got was that they wanted to follow in her footsteps.

I want to live a life like that. I want people talking about my love for God and people. How can I become that person?

I also saw that she just worked and acted. She went to school. She sponsored an orphanage. She helped at the Union Gospel Mission. She worked towards the intersection of this world and heaven. What do I do? Don’t I just waste incredible amounts of time? Don’t I just wait until it’s too late? I want to get to work. She worked hard and long for you and never regretted it. I want to do the same. Help me, slowly but surely, start working hard and long for you.

Where is God?

2007-12-01T23:09:00.000-08:00

I love the story of Joseph. I would love to spend hours just thinking about this story with all is particularities. This is one of the only stories, where the Bible repeatedly states, “And God was with Joseph.” Of all the stories, that statements rings on hollow ears. You see, Joseph is sold into by his own brothers. Yet God was with him. He is falsely accused of rape and sent to jail. Yet God was with him. Although he does a buddy a favor, the favor is soon forgotten and he stays in jail. Yet God was with him. Why does the Bible say that statement so many times when it seems that only bad fortune and tragedies befall Joseph?
In fact if you wee able to go back in time and ask Joseph, I wonder would he would say? If I were in any of his situations, I would have long thought, ‘Where is God?’ I needed him and he ignored me. He must have walked away. He must have left. And it is in these exact moments, when the Bible reminds us, “Yet God was with Joseph.”
If someone were writing a book of my life, there would many times when I would feel like Joseph felt. Yet I’m sure the same could be said about that moment – “Yet God was with Rey.”

Grace

2007-11-20T18:40:00.000-08:00

What makes Grace so amazing? It is one of my favorite topics but the one I least understand. I love the quintessential story of grace, the woman caught in the act of Adultery.

The forgiveness Jesus offered that traumatized woman was a picture of true grace: a grace that cleansed her shame, covered her past, redirected her future, and empowered her with new vision. – New Rebellion Handbook

What I don’t see and kind of makes me mad. It’s not fair, is it?
- Contracts – Jesus could have made a contract with her. I will forgive you but you have to promise not to do this again and you have to sign this document.
- Conditions – Jesus could have given her conditions. I will forgive you but you have to apologize to your husband and tell the guy you cheated with you will not do this again.
- Calculations – Jesus doesn’t calculate whether he should forgive her not. Should I forgive her this is her fifth time, hundredth time messing up and she is not learning.
This is a story I love and hate.
- Where is the justice?
- What if you were the husband or wife?

This is what is so amazing about Grace? Who am I in this story? Sometimes the Pharisees, sometimes Jesus, but more often than not I am the sinner. When we sin and mess up our lives, we find that God doesn’t go off and leave us but enters into our troubles and saves us (NRH). Those who accept grace admit they are unfinished. They realize they are incomplete, imperfect, in process, in progress, and under construction

Many years ago I was driven to the conclusion that two major problems among the Christians are these: the failure to understand, receive, and live out God’s unconditional grace and forgiveness; and the failure to give out that unconditional love, forgiveness, and grace to other people – David Seamonds

Something Missing?

2007-11-09T16:40:00.001-08:00

Think about this – In Acts 8:14, Phillip had gone down to a Samaritan city. He preached the message of Jesus and performed many miracles. Some people who could not walk were healed. Demons were cast out. Many people came to believe in Jesus at this time. To sum it up, it was an awesome time to see God a work and the “whole city celebrated”. Yet when the report comes down to Jerusalem, the church sends Peter and John so that those who have come to believe will receive the spirit. This is an extremely pivotal point in the Luke-Acts book. Luke is making a very important statement by explaining why Peter and John had been sent.
“Up to this point they had only been baptized in the name of the Master Jesus; the Holy Spirit hadn’t yet fallen on them.”
Luke has placed two images in juxtaposition – those who believed the message but had not received the Holy Spirit and those who had believed and received the Holy Spirit. This was so important that the two leaders of the church came up to pray that they received the Holy Spirit.

Is this why so many Christians live in constant defeat? Is this why depression are live –ins in the lives of Christians in this area? Is this why some Christians fall away?

Later on Luke mentions this same issue through the other main character in chapter 19. Paul went to Ephesus and asked the believers there, “Did you receive the Holy Spirit when you believed? Did you take God into your mind only, or did you also embrace him with your heart? Did he get inside you?”

There is a distinct difference between a believer who does not have the Holy Spirit, and those who do have the Holy Spirit. Luke is very clear on this issue. I have also experienced this truth in my own life.

I want more of your spirit. And those around me, would you give me the gift to pray that they receive the Spirit. I want all the people I minister to be filled with the Spirit.

Faith and Obedience

2007-10-29T23:13:00.000-07:00

As I have been reading through Genesis, several things have caught my attention. I am only sharing one today. In chapter 29 God appears to Isaac during a famine and reminds him of the promise that God had made with Abraham. Then God tells Isaac why Abraham was so blessed – “because Abraham obeyed me and kept my requirements, my commands, my decrees and my laws.” I am struck, once again, by the connection between faith and obedience. The Bible later calls Abraham the father of our faith. A few chapters earlier, we see Abraham obeying God by offering up his son Isaac, who is the one talking to God now. Abraham’s faith is manifested through his obedience.

Faith is a tricky thing. You can’t see, measure it, or weight it. You can’t really wrap you hands or mind around it. But the evidence of our faith is discovered when we step out in obedience. I have experienced the blessings that come with obedience. I have also experienced the intense struggles and wrestling when my faith is tested. I have failed more test than I am proud of, yet continue to ask God to increase my faith. I long for the blessing of communion with God that comes with obedience and faith.

Discipline

2007-10-17T18:09:00.000-07:00

After study 2 timothy, I felt challenged in one area of my life. Discipline. I feel that I am no as disciplined about anything as should be. Paul makes this point very strongly to Timothy. The Christian must be defined as discipline. Yet that word has such negative connotation for me. It seems so rigid and structured. It seems bounding and limiting. But I am sorely mistaken.

Take an artist working on a masterpiece. Even though the artist is creative and free, his is completely disciplined in working on his art. He is focused and intense. The same is true with many occupations that seem free and fun. So I need discipline in my life and I cannot justify lacking any longer.

AS I was driving home from work, I felt you working in my heart so much. I was not disciplined today at work. This affects the amount of time I spend with Elijah and Elise. It affects how much time I spend on school and writing. So at the end of the day, I neglect you, my family, and my gifts because I am not disciplined. Because late at night, I always go to sleep late watching shows and movies or playing video games. I don’t mind doing that if I have been disciplined all day and need the rest or break. But if I waste time during the day and waste time late at night, I am missing twice the life I should be living.

Father, search my heart and see that I long to change. I want to be disciplined. How can I take the first step? Is it by making a schedule? Is it by having accountability with Elise or my boss? It is not like I don’t get my work done…. I just get it done at my own pace. I am not consistent. I wish I could get in a routine everyday but it is so hard with my weird schedule. I am asking for some guidance in this area. Please show me the way.

Stardust

2007-09-24T23:34:00.000-07:00

I saw this very inspiring movie last night with Elise. It was a love story which I was not looking forward to but was caught completely by surprise. It was very entertaining and adventurous. There was one scene in general that really stood out to me. There is a character who is supposed to be a star that has been brought down to earth. For millions of years she has been watching earth and its inhabitants. She is about to confess her love to this one guy. She says that the whole time she was looking down on earth; she saw evil, crime, violence, war, death, disease, poverty and all the ugliness of our kind. The only thing she saw that was beautiful was love. The idea that one person would love another and make themselves vulnerable to them was beyond her. In the millions of years she watched us, love was the one thing she wanted to experience.
Imagine what the stars think of when they saw Jesus’ sacrifice. What would they think at seeing the one who created them, laying it all down? What would they think at seeing Him die on a cross for animals that are made of dust and are here one day and gone the next? Would they be impressed with love? Would they give anything to be the recipients of that love? I imagine that the stars would stand amazed at what they had seen. I never want to take this gift for granted. I never want to forget how astounding, how astonishing, how shocking, how surprising, how beyond belief God’s love is for me. I will never fully understand it. I will never know why he loves me like he does. I will never know why he died for me while I was far from him. I want to cherish this love.

Domino Effect

2007-09-19T21:48:00.000-07:00

Romans 5:15 But the gift is not like the trespass. For if the many died by the trespass of the one man, how much more did God’s grace and the gift that came by the grace of the one man, Jesus Christ, overflow to the many!

Sometimes I wonder about original sin. We all know the story of Adam and Eve and their big mistake. I wonder why their mistake affects me. It seems like their story would just serve as a illustration of the propensity to sin. I do not get from that story that I have in inward, wretched heart. Yet from other points in the Bible and my own experience, I have experienced that I am “prone to wander.” I know it and I can not deny it. But why? Why do I have to suffer for mistakes other made way before my time? Would I have made the same mistakes? Is my complaining moot because I have made the same mistakes?
Either way, it is astonishing to see the affect of sin on humanity. Paul wrestles with this in his letter to the Romans. In chapter 5 there are some astounding declaration. Through one man, sin entered the world. Every single person since then has been infected with the disease of sin. Everyone. No one is exempt. That seems excessive to me. Sin has a 100% success rate. It is like a lone line of dominoes. When the first one falls, the rest of them fall one at a time in order.
Then Jesus enters the picture. In one fell swoop he reverse the dominoes. Through this one man, sin is defeated. Through this one man, all have the oppourtunited to be healed form the disease. If I was impressed by the power of sin, my mind is blown by the power of God. That is why I follow.

God's Thought

2007-09-07T00:06:00.000-07:00

Psalms 139
Great are the thoughts you have for me. They outnumber the grains of sand in the sea. Such things are too great for me.

To think that you know everything about. To think that you have millions and millions of thoughts just about me. What is it you are thinking about me? What is it?

You know all of me. That thought scares me. Because on one hand it is great that you know my heart’s intent. You know I am trying to follow, serve, and love you. You know all my deeds. You know everything good thing about me. But on the other hand, you all also know those hidden thoughts. The ones I am scared to confront and admit. You know I am prone to wander. You know all the horrible and disgusting things about me. Things I am ashamed of.

So after you look at me, what do you see? I believe you see your son, standing next to me giving you the thumbs up. You look at me and love. You look at me, all of me, and still love me.

What will ever separate me from the love of Christ?

Elijah Rey Timoteo Diaz

2007-08-11T12:16:00.000-07:00

Technically it is August 11, 2007, but yesterday is the day I want to journal about. Yesterday God showered His grace on me in a way I had never experienced before. Yesterday He gave me a son, Elijah Rey Timoteo Diaz. There is nothing like experiencing the birth of your child. Even as I write this I am overcome with emotion. God has given me, his son, a son. I think I have gained a much better understanding of God’s fatherly love for all us by having a son of my own. Of course it is just an infinitely finite understanding of God’s infinite love. But when I first saw Elijah, I loved him immediately. I had already fallen in love with him during Elise’s pregnancy, but as soon as I saw him, I knew I would do anything for him. Suddenly the little and big sacrifices I have made and will have to make are nothing. I want the best for him. I would die for him. I would give up anything just for him. If I am a ‘human’ father, how much more will my heavenly Father do all of this for us.

Father, I want him to love you so bad. I want him to follow you so much that it hurts me. It hurts because I know that in having a child and loving him I am risking much. But I have declared a prophecy on His life. He will be Elijah, one whose lord is Yahweh. His boss, his master, his lord will be God. He will love you with all of his heart. He will serve you with all of his hearts. He is a king because he is the son of a king. He has been adopted by you heavenly Father. He is your son. He will honor you in his whole life.

Thank you for giving me this precious gift. Thank you for giving me this privilege and honor to be the dad of Elijah. I know he will do great things for you. He will change the world. He will rock nations. He will be an example of what you can do with a life wholly surrendered to you.

I have given him Joshua 1:8 as my mission as I raise him – Never let the words of the Lord depart from you lips but meditate on them day and night and you will be prosperous in all of your ways.
He is fearfully and wonderfully made, because he has been made by you. I pray he would get a double portion of all the positives in my life. Let my strengthens be multiplied in him. But don’t let him get any of my weaknesses be a par of his life.

Help me and Elise raise him. Teach us how to make a disciple of him. Teach us how to be godly parents. Helps be great examples for him. Help us make the wise decisions as we raise him. Keep Him healthy and strong. Help us as we make this transition into parents. Help us be patient during sleepless nights and weary days.

We Dedicate Him to you. I know he is yours. We are simply stewards of this gift. We will love him with ever ounce of love you have put in our hearts. We will do whatever we can to help him become the man you have intended Him to be. Let his name be a prophecy that starts taking place now.

Fresh Water

2007-08-08T12:10:00.000-07:00

Matthew 11:28-30
"Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy and my burden is light."

After the last few days, I realized what had happened. Without knowing it, I had begun to rely on myself and my abilities rather than on you. I was working on sheer willpower and determination. At first I seem to be doing okay. But after a few days, I was running out of gas. I didn’t have all the answers. I didn’t know what to do. More and more balls were thrown into my juggling act. Unless I began to rely on God, all the balls were going to fall.

It’s not like I left God on a sinful rampage. It happened one step at a time. Slowly but surely. I woke up late a couple times. I was bombarded when I got to the office. Then the justifications came. “I am reading the bible as I write these five bible study lessons.” “I am praying just thinking about all I have to do.” Sometimes you don’t realize how thirsty you are until you drink fresh water. I felt something was wrong so I decided to have a day of prayer and invited my wife. As soon as I got up, I made every attempt to connect with God. I meditated on scripture. I slowed down. I gave God the time He needed to work on me. And it was exactly what I needed.

Thank you for meeting with me. Thank you for taking my burdens. Help me to always take your burden rather than my own. I don’t want to walk through life with a heavy burden. I want toe rest you promised. Rest for my soul and for body.

Never Says Never

2007-08-04T12:15:00.000-07:00

Over the years, I have heard all sorts of testimonies so that very few things shock me. I have heard testimonies from drug addicts, drug dealers, prostitutes, assassins, gang members, etc. You name it. All of these have just reinforced my belief that no one is outside of God’s reach. But last month I interviewed a man who truly shocked me. Never had I heard such a sad story. Never had I been in such unbelief. Never had I been so broken by what I heard. Even now it is difficult for my mind to completely understand what this man went through and where he is now.
Never. That is his name. That is what he goes by and how people know him. I met him a couple years ago but did not know his full story until this past month. As part of my research for school I have to interview people who have lived in the garbage dump of Tegucigalpa. In my research, I had the privilege of sitting down for an hour and hearing the story of Never.
Never grew up in Tegucigalpa with a loving family and in a loving church. After school he worked in construction. During an economic recession he lost his job and became desperate for work. Through a friend he heard about working in the garbage dump. The thought of working in garbage repulsed him but he did not have a choice so began working there. Drugs became a part of his life. He fed himself from the food others had thrown out. He lost track of time. After years of being there he tried to get out with no success. The shame of working there had infiltrated deep into his soul. He could not ask for help from his family. They had disowned him. He lived in that garbage dump for 20 years. He had 3 children with one woman. They lived and worked with him in that garbage dump. The stories he relayed about life amid garbage shocked me. The most wretched, horrid, insipidly evil was a part of his daily life; death, violence, gangs, mafia, prostitution, gambling, drugs, child laborers, sickness, disease, etc.
Then he met Pastor Jeony. Two years ago Pastor Jeony went into the garbage dump, as he regularly does, to pass out water, work gloves, and to pray with people. He talked to Never and shared the hope of the Gospel with him. Never was touched. Something happened. He did not have words to explain to me what happened. He just cried tears of joy. Two years later Never and his family are out of the garbage dump. His children go to Pastor Jeony’s school. His wife is a cook for the children of the school. Never works in construction for Pastor Jeony and attends his local church. Never loves Jesus.
“Why do they call you Never?” I asked.
“I will never go back to that garbage dump again. I will never go back to drugs again. I will never doubt God again. I will never stop loving and following Jesus.”

Because of God’s intervention in his life, Never said never.

Sacrificial Love in Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows

2007-07-24T17:36:00.000-07:00

Sacrificial Love
John 15:13 - Greater love has no one that this: to lay down one’s life for one’s friends.

*** Spoiler Alert ***

I spent Friday night reading Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows. I mean that literally. I read from around 12:20AM to 10AM. I didn’t sleep. Just the book and a few Mountain Dews. But in all honesty the Mountains Dews were not necessary because this book was so amazing. It might be the best book I have read since I read Les Miserable two Christmas’ ago. I am in complete awe at J.K. Rowling’s ability to write.

So towards the end of the book, I felt so deeply emotionally involved that I began to tear up and cry. I haven’t cried in so long even though I have really wanted to. I have prayed for God to break my heart for so long but for some reason I feel so immune. Yet I cried when Harry Potter is making the decision to sacrifice himself to eradicate the evil Lord Voldemort. I had to put the book down so that I did not begin to weep in front of others. Why had my heart been so touched by this scene?

Later on, I figured out why my heart had broken. Sacrificial love. The same thing happened to my heart when I read Les Miserable, I cried when I read Jean Val Jean’s last letter. He had sacrificed his life for his daughter and son-in-law. It had broken my heart. Both of these stories have powerful illustrations of sacrificial love - when someone lays down their life for someone else. And that theme grips my heart. I don’t think it is just me. I think humans, generally speaking, have a soft spot in their hearts for sacrificial love. Is this why Jesus says the above verse to his disciples a few days before his crucifixion? Did Jesus know that this was the route to our hearts?

These stories break my heart, because they remind me of the one who really did lay down his life for me. These stories point to Jesus, who laid down his life on a cross, for us humans. Think about how hard it would be to lay down your life for another person. To lay down your dreams, ambitions, family, luxury, houses, future, etc for another person. It’s tough. It seems very difficult to say the least. Yet that is what Jesus did for me. For you.

When I see Jesus lay down his life for me, it becomes much easier for me to respond by laying down my life for him. Maybe that is a good summary of discipleship.

God's Cycle

2007-07-11T09:37:00.000-07:00

Isaiah 61:1-4

The Spirit of the Sovereign Lord is on me, because the Lord has anointed me to preach good news to the poor. He has sent me to bind up the brokenhearted, to proclaim freedom for the captives and release from darkness for the prisoners, to proclaim the year of the Lord’s favor and the day of vengeance of our God, to comfort all who mourn, and provide for those who grieve in Zion— to bestow on them a crown of beauty instead of ashes, the oil of gladness instead of mourning, and a garment of praise instead of a spirit of despair. They will be called oaks of righteousness, a planting of the Lord for the display of his splendor. They will rebuild the ancient ruins and restore the places long devastated; they will renew the ruined cities that have been devastated for generations.

It is amazing to me to see myself in this God driven cycle. I did not start this pattern and I will not be the last one in it. This idea and process was birthed of God. He started by sending His son, Jesus, who did all of the above. Jesus fulfilled this scripture. He took some disciples under His wings and gave them great news. He set them free, bound up their broken hearts, and released them from darkness. They were completely transformed. They would never be the same. Then the script was flipped. Jesus tells these disciples, my Father sent me to earth on a mission. It is Isaiah 61. Now I am sending YOU. Go and make disciples. Do as I do. Be as I am.

The disciples, probably tentative at first, began to experience God’s Sovereign Spirit over their lives. They began to experience the amazing anointing that God gave them. This sealed them into God’s service and as His representatives. They began rebuilding ancient ruins. They began renewing the ruined cities. Basically, they became oaks of righteousness shining out God’s glory. That is who ‘they’ are in verse 4 – those that were once poor, broken hearted, captives, and prisoners.

Now I am in Honduras working with children who work and live near the garbage dump. God’s spirit is on me. I’m broken, flawed, sinful, not who I am suppose to be. Yet God’s spirit is on me. I was once poor, captive, broken hearted, and a prisoner. In many ways I a still am. But God is using me to rebuild and renew. And these children, whose future seem hopeless and bleak… they will one day be oaks of righteousness. They will one day rebuild and renew.

Again Father, I sense you whispering into my ear… Look at the nations, and be utterly amazed. I am going to do something in your day, that you would not believe even if I told you.
Jesus, I love your ways. I love your kingdom. I love your Gospel.

Mission is not a location, it is a way of life

2007-07-07T21:58:00.000-07:00

For too long, we have thought of missions as a time when we go to far away countries to help build houses, work at orphanages, have VBS for street kids, or work with a poor pastor. Missions is what older people did for a living and came and talked about it to our church. It happened in Mexico, Africa, Central America, or the inner city. So if I wanted to partake in missions, I could do it for a couple weeks a year when our church sent a team overseas.

I am one who has been on many of these trips. I owe a lot of my development and growth to these experiences so I am not trying to down these trips. They are both necessary and beneficial to both parties. Yet, the language has led to a construction of meaning which has crippled most people when they think about missions. For those of us with missional DNA, if missions only occurs far away and on trips, then we are basically out of action for 50 weeks out of the year because we are not on the mission field.

But what if that understanding of mission is false? What if missions has nothing to do with location. What if missions has more to do with a way of life and a way of looking at things. This is what I believe. I believe that missions is the way we approach life. I have to keep developing this idea.

Mission is not a location, it is a way of life. Mission was the lens God saw through when he looked at us. When I think of mission as a way of life, it helps see what my purpose. Mission as a way of life takes into account why God has put me where I am at. It means that where I live becomes a mission field. My job, my hobbies, my school, my entire life becomes a mission field. That means I can participate with God in His mission everywhere I go because it is the way I live. I live as someone surrender to God’s mission, willing to get alongside God and further His kingdom. Mission is how I do life. It happens everywhere.

Discipleship and Mission - Luke 10:1-12

2007-07-06T22:36:00.000-07:00

As I read this passage, one specific thing did not stand out. Rather, I look at the big picture of why Jesus was doing this. Or rather what Jesus was doing. I love what Pastor McKinley says – “If you want to create big churches or organizations, you can just add people and mission statements, etc. But all you will get are parking problems. If you want to start a worldwide movement, you make disciples.” He goes on to say he couldn’t see Paul and Peter trying to figure out where they would put all the camels. It is also funny that we have addressed parking several times in my church because it is a serious problem. Ironic I think.
Jesus is beginning this process of a worldwide movement. Jesus is sending out people that will be the beginning of the Christian faith.

What do disciples do? They represent Jesus wherever they go. To whatever town or village they were going into, they would go in as disciples.

Discipleship and Mission are intertwined. They cannot be separated. A master trains an apprentice for a specific purpose whether it is to be a blacksmith or violin player. Jesus is training us to follow Him in his mission. What is Jesus mission? He tells us in Luke 4
- Preach good news to the poor
- Bind up broken hearts
- Freedom to the captives
- Release from darkness

The Father sent Jesus. Now Jesus is sending us.

Discipleship is becoming like master in character and purpose – discipleship and mission

Frustration with youth...including myself

2007-07-06T22:27:00.000-07:00

Even if you weren’t following Jesus, one simple principle could make life so much easier. It is found in Proverbs 15:22

Plans fail for lack of counsel,
but with many advisers they succeed.

I am really frustrated with several people I have talked to over the past few weeks who make bad decisions over bad decisions while ignoring godly counsel. These people have never learned the principle mentioned above. Whenever we jump into plans without first talking with godly people about these plans, we are doomed. It’s as simple as that. In any endeavor, whether Christian or not, people who don’t get wise counsel end up failing. Think about this for a second.
How many young college athletes have ruined their career because they ignored wise advice and left to the pros early? Rather than extending their college experience for another year, while developing their skill set and body size, they have chosen to join the pros only to find out they have to sit the bench because they were not ready.
How many business men and women have gone bankrupt because they also ignored wise counsel? Rather than listening to advice offered, they have gone ahead with their plans only to fin out they were incorrect and are paying the price.
It’s like Luke Skywalker who didn’t finish his training before facing Darth Vader. Or the kids at Willy Wonka’s factory. How many fables and bedtime stories have to do with this? The examples are endless.
Now these young people I have spoken with have gone ahead with their own plans while ignore the barrage of wise counsel they have received. I am no prophet but I know exactly what will happens with their plans…failure. When ever we go make plans with out seeking godly counsel or listening to godly counsel, they fail. Yet when we do seek out and listen to wise counsel, they succeed. Yet why is this so difficult. Is it because despite what we hear, despite knowing the consequences, despite recognizing the ramification we want to please ourselves? The only answer that makes sense to me is the deceitfulness of sin and my own heart.
I would be so hypocritical if I didn’t confess my rebelliousness and struggle with submission. Following Jesus has been made more difficult because of my human nature to resist advice and make my own decisions. I wonder how much I missed out because I was not willing to be humble. How many times was I ‘resisted’ by God because I chose to lift my head in pride?

Father, I humble myself before you. I recognize that I am nothing without you and can do nothing with out you. I am utterly dependent on you and you alone. I am asking for your helping in forming my character into the person you want me to be. As I make decisions in my life, both major and minor ones, send me advisors that are led by your spirit. Help the ones I talked to earlier. In Jesus name, let it be done.

Taking 'Church' for Granted

2007-07-06T22:09:00.000-07:00

Although I sometimes complain about my job, I think most of my complaints are about growing up. I am an adult that has to work and work is rarely fun. It can be, but it can be dull too. I am going through growing pains. It also has to do with the fact that I am not doing some of the stuff I feel I was created to do. Sure I am pretty good at what I am doing because there is much fruit. But I can't lose the feeling that I am a basketball player playing softball. Sure I am athletic enough to be good if not really good at softball. Yet I am so much more dominant at basketball (This isn’t bragging just a statement of fact). There is a big difference in me playing basketball and me playing softball. Like Michael Jordan playing baseball. I am a missionary in a pastor’s role. I am an evangelist in a pastor’s role. I am a boat rocker on a boat that doesn’t want to be rocked. I am trailblazer in an old village. I am an innovator in a church world that is stuck. I am a multiplier where only addition is allowed.

Yet I would rather be here than most other jobs. Although I love the idea of working for World vision or Mercy corp (which might happen someday), I would probably hate being in an administrative role. Unless I was making major decisions, working in their theological department, or being one of their speakers, I would hate it. I would really miss speaking and preaching. I take this practice completely for granted. I felt the pain in Johnny’s voice as he told me he could not preach anymore and really missed it. I am sorry for taking this for granted. I am sorry for complaining. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you.

I am sure I am not the first to take the church for granted. Nor will I be the last. I feel there is a major difference between critical thinking (what I am doing here) and being critical (which I hope to never do). I love the church. I have grown in the church. I have learned of the faith in the church. I will never leave the church. Yet it is my love for the church that makes me feel this great uneasy because the church is not being the church. It’s because I love the church that I want only the best for it. May God use me to make the church more into the Bride He died for.

I repent for complaining, criticizing, and taking the church for granted.

Broken Heart

2007-06-24T00:05:00.000-07:00

James 1:14-15
…But each one is tempted when, by his own evil desire, he is dragged away and enticed. Then, after desire has conceived, it gives birth to sin; and sin, when it is full-grown, gives birth to death…

Two of my closest friends have been dragged away and it is breaking my heart. These are guys who have walked with me through life. I thought they had known Jesus. I thought they were following Jesus. Maybe they did know him and were following him. I don’t want to get in a theological discussion about this issue. I have a broken heart. Both of these guys have always struggled with their evil desires. I have invested my heart, life, energy, and time into their lives. I have served as a pastor through our relationships.

Now they are both living a life absent of God. They are doing their own things. They have walked away from the Father’s house to go into the wild city. I have spent significant time with them since then. I have asked, probed, prayed, and pleaded with them to no avail. I have asked myself, why are they doing this? I have asked them, why are you doing this?

Here are their reasons:
- God doesn’t want my sexuality suppressed
- The church just wants to control me
- The church is just judging me
- Theologically I have justified my behavior

I have listened to them trying to figure out what is going in their minds. After all I have read and all I have heard, here is what I think. These are two guys who have never learned how to overcome their evil desires. In the above verse, the Bible tells the story of our kind. We have deep desires. These deep desires pull us away from the life God wants from us. Throughout our lives we will be fighting these desires. Like the sirens in the Odyssey, these desire call us and promise us all sorts of pleasures. Yet like these sirens, these desires lead to our destruction. The story always has the same ending. If you let the desires entrap, entice, and ensnare you, sin is born. If we do not bring these sins to God in the light, these sins will grow up and eventually bring about our death. This was the story of people in the Bible, and it is the same story I am living out now.

The famous magicians Siegfried and Roy got a baby tiger and trained him. For years this tiger would obey any command that his owners would give him. Siegfried and Roy though they had this wild animal tamed. They though they could control this tiger. We all know they were mistaken. The same is true with our evil desires. All of us our deceived into thinking we can control them. Yet we all find out they end up controlling us. We use to dabble in sin. Now sin dabbles with us.

My friends can give me all sorts of reasons, justifications, and excuses. Yet the truth is that they let an evil desire give birth to sin, which then gave birth to death.

I will always love them and will continue to help them. But I want to learn the lesson they are living.

Hide and Seek

2007-06-23T23:47:00.000-07:00

Hide and Seek - The safest place to be is in God’s will

Although I believe this to be true, sometimes it is so difficult to know if you are in or out of God’s will. I am not talking about occasions I sin because I would obviously be out of God’s will. I am talking about times in my life when I am waiting to hear from God about my future. It is especially true when I am wondering whether a certain decision I am contemplating is God’s will. Is this the person God wants me to marry? Does God want me to take this job? Does God want me to move to Honduras, Fuller, or Washington? These are questions that don’t have to do with sin, purity, or righteousness. Instead these questions have to do with hearing from God. Yet what if you have not heard from God? What happens then? God knows my heart which really desires to be in His will. But how can I be in the safe place if I don’t know where that place is at. It’s like playing hide and seek and not know where the base it at. You would be running from the person trying to find you but not knowing where you are going.

I often have this feeling of sincerely desiring to please God but not knowing what to do. I believe God still speaks today. I take Jesus at His word saying that it would be better for us when He left because we would have access to the Holy Spirit. So how does God speak to me today?

I have a system for listening to God. I never want to be pretentious and say that when I hear from God, there is no error in my interpretation. So I want for God to speak to me through my desires and prayers. Then I wait for confirmation. First, from the authority figures in my life and then from people close to me. ‘In the counsel of many advisors is safety.’ Confirmation can come in many forms which is tricky. So I always have to be sensitive, aware of God’s limitless. This can be the painful process as I wait and wait and wait for confirmation.

But once confirmation arrives, there is no better feeling. I love God’s confirmation. I have been praying about my family’s future in Honduras and have just received confirmation on many fronts. Thank you Father. Thanks for your guidance. Thanks for your plans. Thanks for your presence.

A Diary of Foolishness

2007-06-19T20:50:00.001-07:00

Following Jesus is foolishness. It goes against every grain in my body. It goes against most of society. It's laughable and difficult. It is the last thing I wanted to do with my life.

Yet Jesus draws me. My heart has been captivated. Now it beats for Him. Now it beats for His mission. His kingdom has turned my world upside down. Now I can’t imagine a life without Him

Maybe I am a fool. Maybe I am wasting my life. Maybe I am victim of a large hoax. What seems like foolishness to most, I call love.

'He is no fool who gives up what he can not keep to gain what he cannot lose' – Jim Elliot